The Etiquette of Requesting Whakapapa

From time to time I receive requests for whakapapa, usually from whanaunga. I am pleased to help with whakapapa queries if I am able to. It is important to me to reciprocate the aroha and generosity I received from my elders and teachers when they shared whakapapa with me.

In stating that I am pleased to help people with their requests, however, I also wish to say that it is important that the manner by which requests are communicated to me are important. Let me explain.
Whakapapa is sacred. I do not mean sacred in that only the very few have a right to it and that it is some deep, heavy thing. Rather, I mean that it needs to be taken seriously. It needs to be cared for properly. It needs to be cherished and honoured. And it needs to be passed on in due course to the right people, in the right circumstances and with aroha.

Unfortunately, with the rise of social media, the internet and email, requests for whakapapa have come to me through these channels and the custom of 'kanohi ki te kanohi' (face to face) interactions seems to be fading.

On the whole, I do not share whakapapa via email or over social media (unless I know the recipient really well). I have done so in the past and I look back and believe now that I shouldn't have. Rather, it is my tikanga now that if someone requests whakapapa and I can help, I require that that person comes and sees me and we spend some time together. (It's fine to approach me via email at first.)

The purpose of getting together is so that we may get to know each other. Our meeting may be just one of a number of meetings. It may be the beginning of a relationship of some kind. It is also important to understand that receiving whakapapa is not just about receiving the knowledge itself but also the responsibility to care for and share the knowledge as well.

Second, although I believe that all descendants of our tupuna do have a right to their whakapapa, this does not mean that they should have access to it any time they wish. The key reason is that not everybody is in the right stage of their lives or in the right 'head space' or in the right 'wairua place' to receive their whakapapa. Sometimes gaining access to one's whakapapa can actually turn out to be a burden rather than a source of healing and empowerment.

Third, I want to be assured that the person is going to care for the whakapapa properly, that it is not going to be discarded or neglected. Whakapapa papers and books need to be stored well and not left out to be damaged and tampered with.

Fourth, I want to be assured that the person is going to share the whakapapa, in due course, with the right people, in the right circumstances and with aroha; that they aren't going to hold onto it selfishly or that they aren't going to wield it in an arrogant way. (There are too many 'whakaputa mohio' out there and/or those who even seem to 'weaponise' whakapapa, use whakapapa to dominate and lord over others.)

Finally, on a personal note, occasionally I have been a bit hurt by requests that don't seem to acknowledge that the whakapapa knowledge that I now have has come about through years of dedicated research and commitment. Yes I received much from my elders for which I am grateful. However, I have also spent hours and hours in libraries and archives, going to hui, visiting kaumātua in their homes, painstakingly piecing together whakapapa about whānau, hapū and iwi. It has been a journey of over thirty years motivated by a personal fascination and love and a knowledge that whakapapa can be a source of healing and empowerment for our people. Consequently, it hurts me when someone demands whakapapa from me or when we discover that I don't have the answer, they expect me to find it. They expect me to do their research for them.

There is much more to say about the sharing of and caring for whakapapa, however, these are some thoughts, for now, in response to a number of recent requests.

First published as a Facebook post, 20 July 2021

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